wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
