i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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