So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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