Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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