My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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