Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
