just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
