Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
