so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
