My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
