I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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