I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
