Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how do flat chested girls get laid?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
