this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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