Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
