..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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