just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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