and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
