I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
