I'm drive I can fine osifer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
