i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
