i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
