If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
