just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
