Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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