I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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