What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
