is your mom at the bar?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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