I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
