The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Houston, we have a squirter
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have feelings that need drinking.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Someone signed my nipple.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
