imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
