I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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