also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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