then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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