I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
