Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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