I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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