you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i came on her dog
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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