mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
