For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
