your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
