You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
