i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
