Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
