I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
