It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
