haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
