he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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