we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
