When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
